Problems with Sentence Flow

Samantha Kujala

3/20/08

Writing Issue Presentation

 Problems with Sentence Flow 

     For some writers (like me) it is easy in the first rough draft of your essay to think faster than you can write. This can sometimes cause your sentences to be worded funny or almost backwards. This does not mean you are dyslexic, but it could be similar to how a dyslexic person would read a sentence that you may have wrote a little out of order. Sometimes writers will write sentences that are too shorts and that can be combined into one sentence that is not repetitive. Here is an example of a sentence that does not flow correctly: 

1. A sentence that doesn’t flow is abrupt. The paragraph is full of short sentences. It has no connectivity. It doesn’t make you want to read more. It’s tedious to read. Get the idea?   

   A sentence that does flow is fluid and graceful, with long descriptive sentences flowing into each other. You want to read more because it entices you to do so, unlike the example above (EduQnA.com).             

           Another key for creating a sentence that flows better is to have parallelism. Parallelism is where you have balanced writing that matches nouns with nouns, verbs with verbs, or just a sentence where you use the same past or present tense throughout the sentence. An example of this would be: 

            2. The policy affected all vendors, suppliers, and those involved with consulting.

Correct way that matches nouns:

           The policy affected all vendors, suppliers, and consultants (Mary Guffey 66).

3. Our primary goals are to increase productivity, reduce costs, and the improvement of product quality.

Correct way that matches verbs:

            Our primary goals are to increase productivity, reduce costs, and improve product quality (Mary Guffey 66).

             Another way that sentences can not flow very well is just by the placement of a certain word. This is usually a common mistake of mine. An example of this could look like: 

            1. Because stores will remain open and jobs will not be lost in Bozeman, TSC will

 be able to continue providing high quality products to consumers.

Better sentence flow:

            Because Bozeman stores will remain open and jobs will not be lost, TSC will be able to continue providing consumers with high quality products.

             So it is important to realize that not only do paragraphs need to flow into one another, but each sentence should flow nicely. Making your essay’s have good sentence flow makes the reader want to read your paper and does not confuse them. Most of the time bad sentence flow usually occurs in the first draft and there are ways to fix this. You can read your essay out loud, have someone else read it, look for sentences that are too short or repetitive, and look for parallelism.         

         The last thing you can do to make sure your sentences are flowing within a paragraph, is make sure your points are made and organized. “An effective paragraph is organized logically, so that the information at the beginning of the paragraph leads logically to the information at the end of the paragraph (Michael Austin 672).”            

           In other words, if you begin a paragraph that talks about dogs do not end that paragraph into talking about airplanes; unless you tie the two topics together and can effectively relate them.                

References:

“How do you make sentences flow in an essay etc?.” EduQnA.com. 2006-2007. 15 Mar 2008 <http://www.eduqna.com/Words-Wordplay/3021-1-Words-Wordplay-6.html>.

Guffey, Mary. Essentials of Business Communication. 7th. Los Angeles: Thomson South-Western, 2007.

Austin, Michael. Reading the World Ideas that Matter. 1st. W.W.Norton and Company, 2007.

 

Writers Block

Drew Walters

          

  Define the issue

·         Writers block is simply struggling to start a paper, or coming to a standstill in the midst of a paper. ·         It often appears as a blank page, and after hours of staring it still looks like a blank page·         Often anxiety is the cause of this “blank page”Plan·         Recognize Ito       Constantly Second guessing word usageo       “The Worm of Doubt”-Lack of confidence, motivation, or experience ·         The Sourceo       Most cases can be linked to a single instance, usually one of disappointment  or rejectiono       Hemingway and “The Wall of Rejection”o       Concern of acceptanceo        Blocks exist because writers care about their writingo       Writers care about their writing because they feel a need/want to write, there is no need to look for validity elsewhereo       “If you want to write, that’s enough [reason]”·         Attacko       Up to us how we let these rejections and doubts affect uso       Break down rejections and doubts§         Question source of objection – no single opinion is that important§         Question Reality of personal expectations·         Bridge the Gapo       After recognizing the problem, overcome the block§         Try working on something different§         Take a walk, get mind off of what your writing about§         Free write§         Listen to new musicWorks citedhttp://www.starrigger.net/block.htm – “Dealing with Writers Block” by Jeffrey A. Carverhttp://kingprofits.com/lan/news_35279.html – “Breaking Through Writers Block” by Marige O’brien’shttp://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/567/01/ – “Writers Block/Writers Anxiety” by Sean M. Conrey

http://www.43folders.com/2004/11/18/hack-your-way-out-of-writers-block – “Hack your

 

Antonette Lininger

03/24/08

Run on sentence presentation

Run on sentences are independent clauses that have not been joined correctly. An independent clause is a word group that does or could stand alone as a sentence. Ex. Holly enjoys playing soccer she can not kick the ball straight though.

 

Realizing a run on sentence

Run on sentences can form either a fused sentence(one with little punctuation) or a comma splice(easier to place).   When read aloud you can hear an awkwardness in the sentence, and this is sometimes the best way to locate them. Look for two or more subjects in the same sentence and a pronoun, and this can indicate to you that the sentence is in need of some altercations.

 

Fixing a run on sentence.

There are multiple ways to remedy a run on sentence, after you have placed them.

-use a comma and a coordinating conjunction: and, but, or, for, nor, so Ex. Holly likes to play soccer but she can not kick the ball straight.

-use a semicolon Ex. Holly likes to play soccer; she can not kick the ball straight.

-create two different sentences Ex. Holly likes to play soccer. She can not kick the ball straight.

-use a subordinating conjunction:after, although, before, unless, as, before, unless, as, because, even though, if, since, until, when, while Ex. Holly likes to play soccer, even though she can not kick the ball straight.

-use a transitional word: however, moreover, in the other hand, nevertheless, instead, also, therefore, consequently, otherwise, as a result Ex. Holly likes to play soccer, however she can not kick the ball straight.

Often times you will end up using more than one of these remedies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Work Cited

The English Department’s EDU 02-12-2000

<http://ace.acadiau/english/grammar/runon.htm>

Hacker, Diane. A Pocket Style Manual. Boston and New York: Bedford/

St. Martin’s, 2004

English Plus1997-2006 www.englinshplus.com/grammar/00000377htm>

Machiavelli Freewrite/Questions

1.       Can a person be respected without being cruel?

2.       Can a passive person be a leader if they enact cruel punishments for uprisings in the society?

When we did a free write at the beginning of this section, I wrote about what a government should have, and mainly what qualities a leader should posses. And one of the main qualities I thought that a leader of anything should have is that they have to be respectable. If there is no quality about them that the society can respect, and then their reign is going to be fruitless, similar to Sisyphus pushing the rock up the hill for all of eternity, always fighting against the forces of gravity. Anyways, when it comes to Machiavelli, I think that his description of a leader being cruel to be effective in his ways is in a ways the same as respect. If a leader is cruel, the population will have respect for him, but that respect isn’t a good kind of respect; it is basically fear. This kind of leader will either be revolted against or assassinated, in a government in this era.  In a utopia, which will happen when pigs fly, a leader will gain the respect of his citizens by acting the way a respectable leader acts, unbiased, confident (but accepts criticism), approachable, aggressive (but not overly), intelligent, thinks through situations in a timely manner, and thinks about what will happen when different acts are put into effect. I am sorry to say, but this reminds me of the King of Rohan in Lord of the Rings. He had most of these qualities, but the most important one was that he was human, not a god of some sort. His people could relate to him and his life, and this in turn made him respectable. Now that I have ranted, I am going to finish this before I can rant even more.

Ryan Haidle’s MLA Presentation

MLA Presentation

 

            Since the internet has become such a useful source of information for writing papers, a problem has occurred with plagiarism.  It is very important that you cite anything and everything that use in your papers.  This could help you avoid several penalties.  I’m sure you all know what the consequences of plagiarism can be.  There are several different ways to cite your sources.  There are two major types of cites: MLA and APA.  Some teachers and professors have their own variation to cite text.  If your professor doesn’t clarify MLA or APA, it makes it even more difficult to cite properly. So today I am going demonstrate how to cite in proper MLA format.  First, I will show you how to set up your Works Cited page properly.

            Steps

<!–[if !supportLists]–>1.      <!–[endif]–>Put page number in upper right-hand corner, one-half inch from top of page

<!–[if !supportLists]–>2.      <!–[endif]–>Center the titile Works Cited one inch from top. Then double space the first entry.

<!–[if !supportLists]–>3.      <!–[endif]–>Begin each entry flush with the left margin.  If it runs more that one line, indent the cite one-half inch (5 spaces)

<!–[if !supportLists]–>4.      <!–[endif]–>Double space each line

<!–[if !supportLists]–>5.      <!–[endif]–>List each entry in alphabetical order by the author’s last name.  If there is no author then use first word of the title.

<!–[if !supportLists]–>6.      <!–[endif]–>Then use the proper form (your book gives a good example of a few different types.)  (Sebranek et al. 311)

Since there are so many different types of citing, it is impossible to do all of them in a ten minute presentation.  So I’ll go through a few different examples.

One Author book

Angell, David. The Internet Business Companion: Growing Your Business in the Electronic Age. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1995.  (Sebranek et al. 312)     

Signed Newspaper Article

Bleakley, Fred R. “Companies’ Profits Grew 48% Despite Economy.”  Wall Street Journal 1 May 1995, Midwest ed.:1.  (Sebranek et al. 335)

Electronic File on the Internet (No print version)

Bowker, Samuel T. “Cyberspace: Debate on Research Use.” 12 Sept. 1996 <http://www.ppc.new.edu/home/stb/com>.  (Sebranek et al. 357)

 

For an example of how to cite an author in an Anthology (like our English 121 book) you can look in your book on page 728.  This will be very helpful when it comes to citing your authors in your essay.

I hope this information presented to you today will be helpful to you in your writings. Thank you

Works Cited

Delaney, Robert. “MLA Citation Style.” 15 Nov. 2007    http://www.liu.edu/CWIS/CWP/library/workshop/citmla.htm.

“Documentation Styles.” Reading the World: Ideas That Matter. Ed. Michael Austin.   New York: Norton, 2006. 725-29.

Sebranek, Kemper. Meyer, et al. Write for College: A Student Handbook. MA: Houghton Mifflin Company. 1997. 311-60

Machiavelli

1. Why does he feel it is important to justify being miserly?  I didn’t completely understand what he meant by this.
2.   What is Machiavelli’s difference between reputation and reality?

A miser is described a person that hoards food and other goods to make it.  I think what Machiavelli meant by this in order to be a successful leader, you must be able to recognize how  every type of society lives.  If he acts a miser, then it helps him see what the people are going through, and how he can lead to benefit everyone.

Another thing that i found interesting that Machiavelli wrote was how he thought the time period of a leader should be.  Today in the U.S. presidents are elected to a four-year term.  I think Machiavelli would have dislike this strategy because he felt a leader had to be there a long period of time before they could establish themselves as a leader.  Four years is not enough time to be able to get all your leadership ideas out and pursuing ways to lead the country.

Free Write-Machiavelli

Chris Kurz

ENG 121

March 18th, 2008

Questions

1.) Does a leader need to be selfish in order for his/her country to be taken seriously and advance in worldwide society?

2.) Machiavelli says that friendships or deals that come through bribery cannot be trusted. What does that say about controlling interest groups and major donors to modern day campaigns?

Oh crap! I woke up in the middle of the night and remembered I forgot to do my free write. So now it is 5:30 a.m., and I am thinking about Machiavelli. He would have a much harder time trying to get things together in the dark to write at this time of day.

Anyway, what struck me as interesting in Machiavelli’s writing was the amount of thought that he put into his ideas. He obviously spent a great deal of time trying to wrap his mind around the concept of love and fear as related to how his society functioned. I wonder if he ever had aspirations of becoming a politician but could not go through with it because he felt the need to be loved too much. Sometimes I wonder if some of the pieces we read are written more about the author but disguised as an essay about their society or surroundings.

Most of Machiavelli’s ideas are very astute observations about what it must feel like be a politician. For all the heat that politicians take from the press, the public and others, think about what it must be like to try and sleep at night for them. Throughout the course of the day you are placed in the position of making decisions. Once those decisions have been made, then they are questioned. Next people form judgements about you based on the decisions. Nevermind that the people may not be fully informed about whatever issue is at hand, they will crucify the decision maker for not agreeing with their point of view. It is hard not to want to be feared rather than loved. It is much easier to piss everyone off than it is trying to please everybody.

Probing Freewrite;)

Keely Boulton

1.) Throughout “The Prince”, Machiavelli seemed to say that it was alright for a prince to do immoral and unjust things in order to achieve his goals, while he must stay publically above reproach.  Should this be true of any ruler?

2.)  Machiavelli alludes to the idea that sometimes good can come our of evil deeds.  Is it possible for good to come from evil actions?

What struck me most about Machiavelli was his pinpoint on the corruptness of human nature.  He seems to point out well that we are all flawed in some way, and that sometimes it is neccesary formen to be immoral.  But I do not think, nor have I seen examples in my life, of good things coming from evil actions.  For example if someone tells a lie that may cover up thier wrongdoings for the moment, the lie will eventually come back to them in a negative way.  If we cheat on an exam we will most likely get a better grade, but this does not mean that we will not be expelled from that class or even school.  I would not agree with Machiavelli in his view that good can come from evil or that it is right for a prince to act wrongly behind is people’s back.  There is no reason this should happen and I think when it does happen, somehow those decisions will affect them in a negative way. 

Machiavelli

Michael Chopp

Ariana Paliobagis

ENG121

3/17/08

Machiavelli Questions & Free Write

1. Machiavelli talks about feared leaders and loyal leaders… Which can be said to be more beneficial to the country?

2. Do you think a ruler can put aside personal beliefs for the better of the people, even if the ruler doesn’t agree?

 

For question #1, i believe it can be said that both can be true for different reasons. For a feared ruler, it is thought that the people would obey the orders and laws created by the ruler. Also, the tough, hard-nosed behavior of the ruler would lead to respect from the people, proving they believe in his ways. On the negative side, if the ruler is feared but  isn’t taking care of the country, people will eventually revolt no matter the power of the ruler.  Back in history, rulers were killed all he time to get them off the throne. This could happen, not in our lifetime, but impeachment could occurr. As for loyal leaders, yes they obey the wishes of the people and look for their bets interests. However, there is no power or discipline in this type of ruling. It would allow the people to control the ruler and “walk all over him/her”. I believe chaos would eventually break out from the many opinions of the people and the ruler not being able to fulfill each one of their needs. Displine and toughness needs to be shown to the people to gain tolerance, with loyalty following after.

Power Corrupts

Post For Machiavelli

 

1.)   Why does a ruler need to have power by fear why can a ruler be someone people look at as a peer?

2.)   Machiavelli talks about “enjoying the fruits of power” do you think he thinks people become rulers for themselves or for the people.

 

 

Free write on question 1

 

      Machiavelli says that ruler’s cant always be nice or moral but to keep power they must be cruel and dishonest sometimes. I couldn’t disagree more. I am not around in this time period but the position of a ruler is not for power it is to help the people make their kingdom or country a better place. Machiavelli’s beliefs on power are based on the ruler not on the society. Rulers shouldn’t be feared at all, they should be respected and trusted. The position of a leader was created to help the people not to should strive for power and be a leader for just the power aspect of it.

Paragraph Structure

Paragraph Structure

By: Michael Chopp  Definition: A distinct portion of written or printed matter dealing with a particular idea, usually beginning with an indentation on a new line. Types of Paragraphs·         Definition·         Classification·         Description·         Compare and Contrast·         Sequence·         Choice·         Explanation·         Evaluation Problems with Poor Paragraph Structure·         Jumpy·         Flow·         Organization·         Lack of clear introduction·         Lack of clear conclusion/transition Basic Paragraph Structure Plan:·         Topic Sentence “States Main Idea”o   Indentationo   Some sort of motivationo   State main idea (To the point, not vague or too wordy)·         Supporting Sentences “Explains Main Idea”o   One or two support details about main ideao   Sub details from support details (example or more information)o   Should be 5-7 support sentences as a minimum·         Conclusion “Restates Main Idea”o   Transition to another paragrapho   Summarize the paragraph (large paragraphs)o   Similar to topic sentence, but not the sameo   Use a “clincher” – to leave your reader with a good feeling, or leave your reader with something to think about    Works Citedhttp://www.english-zone.com/writing/para-strctr.htmlhttp://www2.actden.com/Writ_Den/tips/paragrap/index.htmhttp://lrs.ed.uiuc.edu/students/fwalters/para.html

Drew Walters

Eng 121

 

Machiavelli

 

1. If a ruler is respected first, is there any need to be feared?

 

2. When is it ok for the government to oppress a few in order to benefit the group?  

  

The first thing that comes to mind is when Machiavelli says something about being cruel and very harsh the first few times will set a good enough example to not have to punish many others. But this is an effort to become respected, and intense punishments would not be necessary if the ruler was already respected. Rulers and representatives can earn this respect by maintaining a good reputation by the public; by eliminating corruption in their government and earning the publics trust. So clearly no, if rulers have the respect of their people then there is no need for them to be feared.

free write

Chelsey Colbert

2 questions from Machiavelli

1. Machiavelli is presenting his audience with a delicate balance of how a leader should act. For example on pg 133 “and a prince should guard himself, above all things, against being despised and hated . . .” Is the prince guaranty or protection to stay in power really more important than the protection of the state?
2. Do you think Machiavelli really thought that the delicate balance was actually important or do you think he was just trying to please the new ruler of Florence?

  

Free Write:       I think Machiavelli’s system of government is ideal, but still unrealistic. Which is ironic because he wrote it because humans aren’t perfect; but with his guidelines they could be. He creates this delicate balance between what is right for the state and what is right for the ruler. My quote that I chose to illustrate this is “and a prince should guard himself, above all things, against being despised and hated . . .”; to me, he is saying that the importance of the prince overrules the safety of the state. But, if the state isn’t safe then how can a ruler’s position be safe. If people aren’t pleased with their ruler, they are going to get rid of him or her. To me, the state of security for both the state and the ruler are almost equally important, the state holds more importance to me though. If the state isn’t protected than the ruler won’t be as well; on the other hand, if the ruler isn’t protected then the state may not be as well. For example, if a country wages war on land A and the ruler does nothing to protect the people, than ruler A will probably get kicked to the curb. And, if ruler A gets kicked to the curb because his place wasn’t protected then land A might be especially vulnerable with no one to rule them. In the end, I think protection of the state is more important, a ruler can always be replaced (but maybe not with one in equally standing).

What should the costs of stability extend to ?

 

 

Felix J Grobler

Ariana Paliobagis

English 121

17^th of March 2008

 

Machiavelli Questions

 

• Machiavelli concerned himself with how governments work and what constitutes to their stability. In his eyes the most important thing for the people was a stable government. Then to what lengths should leaders go to ensure stability (martial law, infringement of rights, etc.) ?

 

• Machiavelli abstains from considering morals when he discusses political theory. Do you think leaders have to be amoral in order to be effective, or is there a middle ground ?

 

 

 

 

Freewrite:

 

Personally I believe that our rights should never be infringed upon, no matter what the situation. But, unfortunately this is happening all around us as today. The patriot act for example was introduced to protect us from terrorism, but at the same time it can be used to spy on peaceful and unsuspecting civilians. As with many things there needs to be a balance between the forces, our rights need to be protected but sometimes martial law might be required to restore order. I think the most important thing to consider is the purpose behind government in general, it is in place to protect the people. My rights end where your begin. This means that there are limits to everybody’s freedoms, a limit is reached when it the action infringes on somebody else’s rights.

Governments may sometimes need to resort to superior force to restore order and stability to their people, but they should never forget their purpose, which first and foremost is to protect the individual and unalienable rights of the people.

Machiavelli Free Write

Kirsten Jensen10 minute free writeMachiavelli One of Machiavelli’s points in his reading, states that you have to be mean and selfish in order to be a great leader.  He says no one got anywhere being nice and certain sacrifices have to be made.  Following your morals and what is true to your heart, is going to get you a lot farther than manipulating people. Manipulating people may get you successful real quick but it’s not worth the people that you hurt and the big crash at the end that leads you worse off than if you got successful the honest way.  On the contrary, not everyone can be pleased when a goal is trying to be accomplished. Therefore you have to be strong and stand your ground but at the same time faithful to your morals and what your heart tells you is the best. People shouldn’t be allowed to walk all over you and should respect you at the same time.  This is the way to help you be most successful and still be self-satisfied. 

Contemporary Rulers’ Longevity

1.      Machiavelli says that there must be a proper balance between two opposing character traits, such as cruelty and clemency, or liberality and meanness.  Are there two opposing traits that it is a bad thing if a person has a little bit of both, such as pacifism and a desire to kill?

2.      Machiavelli says that a ruler must have a good balance of two opposing traits, but how long should that ruler be in power for those traits to balance out each other?

 

In response to question two, I think that this would not work in the United States because many leadership terms are not long enough for people to see the results.  If a leader is selfish in the beginning, hoarding their money, then they could utilize their money for important or necessary things later in life.  However, that time period may be much longer than how long they are in a leadership position. When Machiavelli wrote this, his country was going through much turmoil and he just wanted there to be stability.  Their leaders were constantly changing so Machiavelli was an advocate for a strong ruler to come in and hold office for a long time.  However, in our day and age, we believe that it is better for us if a ruler is only in office for a short time, for example, only either 4 or 8 years for the President of the United States.  This is exactly what Machiavelli was trying to fight, a short term leader, as he expected a good leader to be in power for much longer than that.

This is directly related to the fact that it takes an extended period of time to have two opposing characteristics balance out.  Machiavelli says that if a person starts out as stingy and amasses his wealth, this may be frowned upon initially but later in life he would be able to distribute some of that wealth.  Otherwise, a person who is very generous may give away all of their money too quickly and become bankrupt, causing himself to become ineffective. 

Thus, Machiavelli has good ideas but I don’t think that they transfer very well to the mindset of the US.  He lived in a time when typical leaders would rule for many years, but now, we believe that leadership should be changing fairly often to prevent any kind of monarchy or tyranny, retaining our democratic republic.

Machaivelli Free Write

1) Why does Machiavelli believe it is better to be feared than loved because when people think of the great leaders weren’t they ones who were loved?

2) Machiavelli considers his writing to be a ‘code of conduct’ for leaders to follow but what happens when people who become leaders do not possess these shrewd qualities?

I believe Machiavelli’s idea of being feared over being loved is a bit extreme. When people recall the great leaders of the past they often respond in a highly positive manner. People look up to leaders who are moral, just, and good (or at least who appear to be) and I think that it is important to have a positive view of your leaders…why else would someone want to grow up to be president. While this is a little off topic it reminds me of the commercial from the 80’s “no one ever says I wanna be a junkie when I grow up”, well no one ever says “I wanna grow up to be a shrewd, conniving, FEARED leader.” Being a role model is part of the job of being a leader and it is important to possess qualities that people love as opposed to fear. I looked up Machiavelli’s work on wikipedia, and although it cannot be a throughly trusted source, I found it interesting that Machiavelli had an influence on “prominent figures such as William Shakespeare, Sir Walter Raleigh, Francis Bacon, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Adolf Hitler” The last one I found particularly interesting considering how much Hitler was feared and loathed…and now the 10 mins is up!!!

Machiavelli Free Write

Mike Dvorak

Paliobagis

Writing 121

3/17/08

Questions

 

1. Machiavelli seems to believe that stability in a government is extremely important; how is this view affected by the time period he lived in and is it still applicable today?

 

2. Machiavelli seems to believe that the ends justify the means; do you agree or disagree and why?

 

The stability of governments during the life of Machiavelli held great sway over the countries ability to defend itself as well and have a functioning economy.  We continue to see this problem in third world nations, especially in Africa, with the constant civil war and strife, but as nations have stabilized the longevity of a leaders term becomes less and less important and can even become detrimental.  The President of the United States changes office at least every 8 years and no person may hold more than those 8 years in office.  The United States employs this style of leader because it allows them to more directly address the issues the citizens of that nation bring forth.  Finally, the use of a democratic system, where power is spread through many individuals, has less of a requirement for long lasting leadership because the other branches can pick up the temporary slack created by the change in leadership.

love and fear

is it better to be feared rather than loved?

when i hear that i say no. love is far more constructive than fear.  in the terms that macheavelli is trying to express though i would agree.  people in general need government without it, senselessness.  coming from the veiw of a government  the creation of order and law stems from respect.  to gain respect and reverace you must be stern, and at times unweilding.  the feelings of fear do not reguire hate, and i think that is the point that machiavelli stresses through out the passage. to be feared and not hated does not reguire love but rather respect.  it is  contridictory to respect and hate.  hate is the ruin of anything it touches.  for a people not to love their government is not a new thing.  we do not need to love them always.  they do need to return favor toward the people and give them the necessities of life.  when those necessities are not there that is where the misery festers which leads to decention and the fall from power.  it is in the governments best interest to keep the people happy and busy for they are where the progression of the government lies.

Machiavelli Free Write

Bethany Van Dyke

English 121-31

March 17, 2008

1. It seems that Machiavelli supports leaders being deceptive and mean.  Are these really good qualities for a leader to possess?  Should leaders trick or lie to their people just to save his /her reputation and keep power?  
2.  In general, Machiavelli believes that “the end justifies the means”.  Is this really the best principle for a leader (or the government) to use to justify their actions (whether they are good or bad)? 

 Response to question 1:

I’m not so sure I agree with Machiavelli’s ideas of a good leader.  Yes, some of the qualities he mentions are essential but most of them seem like qualities a leader should try to stay away from.  To me, a leader should be as honest as possible with all that he does.  Machiavelli would say that a leader should do whatever it takes to get something accomplished (even if that means being dishonest).  I just don’t think that this is right.  What also bugs me is how Machiavelli says a leader should pretend to have “good” qualities,  but should be able to put them aside when he needs.  When I read Machiavelli and think about the leader he describes, all I can think of is “fake”–aq leader who feels that “the end justifies the means”  and who feels that he can do whatever he wants to get things done.  When I think of people in my own life who act in such a manner (deceptive etc), I just know that i tend to lose my trust in them.  Yes they may get things accomplished, but at the same time they step on everyone elses toes and do whatever it takes to get ahead. In my book this is wrong.  People should look out for themselves to some extent, but to be selfish, mean, or deceptive is wrong and leads to distrust of those around you.

Post 7- Machiavelli

Michael Piccone

March 17, 2008

Leviathan

Post 7- Machiavelli

 

1. Do you think a leader is more effective if he is feared by his people or loved by them?

Machiavelli states on page 131 that “…it is necessary for a prince wishing to hold his own to know how to do wrong, and to make use of it or not according to necessity.”

2. Do you think a leader should have the authority to do things that are wrong for a society? If not then who should? Who deems if these actions are right or wrong in the first place?

I like the Machiavelli piece. He talks about what great leadership is and the skills needed for it. I enjoy the fact that right out fo the gate he states that he doesn’t agree with traditional thought of the conduct of a prince. I like his quote “for a man who wishes to act entirely up to his professions of virtue soon meets with what dystroys him among so much that is evil.” I like this quote because I believe it too. I don’t think that any leader should be so convinced of his own ideas that he is not willing to accept advice or opinions from others. I believe that a stubborn leader is not what is best for any society. Just look at President Bush. He was so stubborn that he invaded iraq even after the U.N. said they wouldn’t help us. And now we are stuck in a conflict that a growing number of people say we should not be in. And yet because of the stubbornness of the people in leadership positions, we are still there spending $275 million per day (National Priorities Project-www.nationalpriorities.org/costofwar_home).

Machiavelli

Benjamin Burns

Araina Paliobagis

2 Questions about Machiavelli

3/17/08

 

 

1.       Machiavelli explains that it is better to be loved than feared.

Do you believe that you will more power when you are greatly feared? Or greatly loved?

2.       Machiavelli states “Therefore it is unnecessary for a prince to have all the good qualities I have enumerated, but it is very necessary to appear to have them.”

Do you agree with this statement? Or do you think that a leader should actually possess these qualities?

    I personally believe that it is equally important for a leader to appear to possess the qualities needed to run a country and to actually have these qualities. When you elect a leader, you should make sure the candidate has a good appearance and it is important to listen the debates. Listening to these really helped me make my decision on who i am electing for the next presidency. I also believe that in a certain aspect and in certain situations, being feared or being loved has equal power. In some occasions, it is better for a leader to be feared and that ruler will have total power, as goes for the loved leader. I believe that a feared leader has more “absolute” power but will be overthrown. A loved leader will be a leader that can be gullible but will be in a power position for a long time.

Argument Structure

 

Felix J Grobler

Ariana Paliobagis

English 121

Writers Issue Presentation

Argument Structure

7^th of March 2008

Argument Structure

In order to be able to write a convincing paper it is crucial that people can follow the argument that is being brought forth in a clear and organized manner. Therefore it is key that the structure of your argument is easy to understand and to follow along. An incoherent argument may result in the reader not taking the specific piece of work very seriously. Without a well structured argument even an otherwise well written paper can become below average.

Our society as a whole sort of relies on a key set of structures that we use to argue our points. In all western society generally relies to a large extent on logic in order to break down arguments into small parts, which then in turn can easily be proved or backed up.

Since we are now talking about logic, what is logic? Simply put, the purpose of logic is to sort out the good arguments from the poor ones. “An argument in the academic sense is a reasoned, logical piece of writing designed to persuade an audience to pay attention to significant points you raise” (Raimes 6). Considering your audience, which this statement addressed, helps you make sure that you are relating properly to your audience. Using an analogy that the audience is familiar with brings the argument that you are making that much closer to them, familiarity and commonality can be used to the advantage of the author.

But, the first thing of any persuasive paper should be some kind of arguable claim. Therefore you must first formulate a claim that is focused, specific and debatable. Making the theme of your paper something you are interested in yourself, especially in your private time, contributes to writing a better and more convincing paper, since an increased interest often means that you understand the topic at a deeper level. Now, it is key that you pick a thesis where you may already see ahead of time how you could argue it.

According to Aristotle, the three standard elements of persuasion are logos, pathos and ethos. All three elements are often used in the same text, each one of them serves a specific and important purpose. Logos should be considered the most important one, but the other two can be part of crucial arguments as well. Logos appeals to logic and reasoning, pathos appeals to emotion and ethos appeals to the reputation or character of the author. Logic should make up the bulk of you essay and ensure that your argument is as precise and as straightforward possible. Deductive reasoning should be used at this point. First, a premise or an assumption is introduced, which then needs to be backed up by fact and other elements of your overall argument. Using pathos can be a great tool at this point. For example you could use an example supporting the thesis of the paper that relates emotionally to the audience. If the argument structure of the paper is clear and concise, then it will help increase the ethos or reputation of the author. Having a clear argument adds to the credentials of the author.

(Logos, Pathos, Ethos)

Including counterarguments will protect the argument of the essay from people with differing opinions. Without having the major bases covered, you will be completely left open for a counterattack by somebody that disagrees with the opinion stated in the paper. Instead of waiting and giving somebody the opportunity to get the first shot at your argument you should dilute their argument before they have a chance to build it up.

In general it is just crucial for everybody to find a sense of flow in their argument. Doing a lot of research ahead of time builds your confidence in that subject, allowing you to realize when you are bringing forth a strong argument and a weak one. Once you have reached that point you can start writing your paper. Throughout writing your paper the author needs to ensure that they are arguing their point clearly, this can be easily checked by having somebody, proficient in writing, proofread your paper. This sums up what needs to be done in order to write a paper, with a successful argument structure.

 

References:

Ethos: The Writer’s Appeal. Reading the World: Ideas That Matter. Ed. Michael Austin.

New York: Norton, 2006. 697-698.

 

“Logic In Argumentative Writing.” The Owl at Purdue Online. Purdue University.

5^th March. 2008. http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/659/01

Logos: Appeals To Logic and Reason. “Learning to Read” Reading the World:

Ideas That Matter. Ed. Michael Austin. New York: Norton, 2006. 683-692.

 

Pathos: Appeals To Emotion. Reading the World: Ideas That Matter. Ed. Michael Austin.

New York: Norton, 2006. 692-694.

 

Raimes, Ann. Pocket Keys For Writing. Boston: Patricia A. Coryell, 2006. 6-9.

 

 

conclusions

Benjamin Burns

Araina Paliobagis

Essay 1, Draft 3

2/15/08

 

Purpose of Conclusions

The Conclusion needs to act like a bridge that takes the reader out of the “world” of the paper back to reality, and explain how what they just read applies to the readers everyday life.

 

Your conclusion should make your readers glad they read your paper. Your conclusion gives your reader something to take away that will help them see things differently or appreciate your topic in relevant ways.

 

Strategies for Writing an Effective Conclusion

There are a few different strategies that you can use to help you write an effective conclusion.

One strategy is to play the “So What” Game. If you’re stuck and feel like your conclusion isn’t saying anything new or interesting, read it to yourself. Whenever you make a statement from your conclusion, say to yourself, “So what?” or “Why should anybody care?” Then think about that question and answer it.

 

You: Basically, I’m just saying that education was important to Douglass.

Question: So what?

You: Well, it was important because it was a key to him feeling like a free and equal citizen.

Question: Why should anybody care?

You: That’s important because plantation owners tried to keep slaves from being educated so that they could maintain control. When Douglass obtained an education, he undermined that control personally.

You can return to the theme or themes in the introduction. This strategy brings the reader full circle. For example, if you begin by describing a scenario, you can end with the same scenario as proof that your essay is helpful in creating a new understanding.

 

An important thing to remember when writing a conclusion is to synthesize, not summarize: Include a brief summary of the paper’s main points, but don’t simply repeat things that were in your paper. Instead you should show your reader how the points you made and the support and examples you used fit together. Pull it all together.

 

 

Things to avoid when writing a Conclusion

Beginning with an unnecessary and overused phrase such as “in conclusion,” “in summary,” or “in closing.”

 

Stating the thesis for the very first time in the conclusion.

 

Introducing a new idea or subtopic in your conclusion.

Ending with a rephrased thesis statement without any substantive changes.

Making sentimental, emotional appeals that are out of character with the rest of a paper.

Including evidence (quotations, statistics, etc.) that should be in the body of the paper.

Four kinds of Ineffective Conclusions

1.      The “That’s My Story and I’m Sticking to It” Conclusion. This conclusion just restates the thesis and is usually painfully short. It does not push the ideas forward. People write this kind of conclusion when they can’t think of anything else to say. Example: In conclusion, Frederick Douglass was, as we have seen, a pioneer in American education, proving that education was a major force for social change with regard to slavery.

2.      The “Sherlock Holmes” Conclusion. Sometimes writers will state the thesis for the very first time in the conclusion. You might be tempted to use this strategy if you don’t want to give everything away too early in your paper. You may think it would be more dramatic to keep the reader in the dark until the end and then “wow” him with your main idea, as in a Sherlock Holmes mystery. The reader, however, does not expect a mystery, but an analytical discussion of your topic in an academic style, with the main argument (thesis) stated up front. Example: (After a paper that lists numerous incidents from the book but never says what these incidents reveal about Douglass and his views on education): So, as the evidence above demonstrates, Douglass saw education as a way to undermine the slaveholders’ power and also an important step toward freedom.

3.      The “America the Beautiful”/”I Am Woman”/”We Shall Overcome” Conclusion. This kind of conclusion usually draws on emotion to make its appeal, but while this emotion and even sentimentality may be very heartfelt, it is usually out of character with the rest of an analytical paper. A more sophisticated commentary, rather than emotional praise, would be a more fitting tribute to the topic. Example: Because of the efforts of fine Americans like Frederick Douglass, countless others have seen the shining beacon of light that is education. His example was a torch that lit the way for others. Frederick Douglass was truly an American hero.

4.      The “Grab Bag” Conclusion. This kind of conclusion includes extra information that the writer found or thought of but couldn’t integrate into the main paper. You may find it hard to leave out details that you discovered after hours of research and thought, but adding random facts and bits of evidence at the end of an otherwise-well-organized essay can just create confusion. Example: In addition to being an educational pioneer, Frederick Douglass provides an interesting case study for masculinity in the American South. He also offers historians an interesting glimpse into slave resistance when he confronts Covey, the overseer. His relationships with female relatives reveal the importance of family in the slave community.

 

Machiavelli

Carley Buttelman

English 121

Mrs P

3/17/08

 

1.       Should rulers be moral? Will they be more successful if they are not?

2.       Can Machiavelli’s Prince be taken seriously due to the fact that it was written after the fall of Florence?

Free Write to number 2

In the introduction of Machiavelli it says that he wrote the Prince after the fall of Florence and was replaced by a powerful autocrat Lorenzo De’ Medio. I have a tough time really thinking his way of thinking could work in ruling a country considering it had fallen. Why would people rule the way Machiavelli believed too knowing that it didn’t work? I know I wouldn’t listen to a ruler that had a unsuccesful throne. Its hard to take him seriously knowing that his way of ruling didn’t work. I just also disagree with many things he says. He thinks that rulers must be cruel, dishonest, duplicitous, and manipulative (130). I know I don’t want our president to be these things and I don’t think these things will make a ruler be a better ruler. A ruler with these things are probably just looking out for himself and not the people he is ruling. Machiavelli’s ideas are not best way to rule a country and it’s hard to take him seriously.

How a Leader Should Act

 Samantha Kujala

3/16/08

ENGL 121

                                                          Questions:

1. Why should a ruler be somewhat feared, but not cruel and can not be too kind? How would that make a good ruler, beside him having a lot of power?

2. Why can’t a leader be someone who is more of a role model and not someone who is feared?   

Free write to question #2:           

          I disagree with how Machiavelli describes a ruler should act. I do not want a president who I am afraid of and scared that he could harm me in some way. A ruler should be someone who is more of a role model. In our government today, I think we do try to find a good president who is someone that we are willing to vote for to rule us. Voting can give us a selection and a way to find a president that we like and do not fear.            

         I think Machiavelli speaks of a very different time period and how maybe rulers in the past usually did rule. Machiavelli may have only known rulers to be feared and some of the greatest rulers may have been the most feared.            

         What is more important than having a good leader today, I think is that our president needs to be more concerned about the people’s needs and not his own. Machiavelli, I felt, was describing all these things a ruler needs to be most concerned with and that was that a ruler needs to be always thinking about himself. He makes it sound like a ruler needs to be always thinking about the way he acts and only how to improve himself so he can become a great leader. Machiavelli does not talk that much about how important it is for a ruler to be representing the people and doing what he can to serve everyone’s need. Anyone can go around thinking about themselves, why would we need a president if we did not want him to listen to us and to only think of himself? So, I think, what makes a good ruler is someone who does everything possible to meet the community’s needs and makes a lot of good changes in our economy.  

Post 7 – Machiavelli – Due Mon 3/17 by 11:59pm

Post the two probing and insightful questions that you are also bringing to class.  Select one of them and free write on it for approximately ten minutes; post the free write.  You can free write right in the posting box if you like. 

 Post is due Monday 17 March by 11:59pm.

 Do remember to bring the questions to class as well.

Passive verb use.

Chris Ledger  

            The passive form of verbs is not often used in writing now; most instructors prefer their students to use the active voice as it gives more power to the writing and it is more direct. There are special circumstances, however, when using a passive construction is preferable. It is also important to recognize passive constructions when you are reading so that you can understand them correctly.  Passive verbs describe the action done by the subject of a sentence. Passive verbs use a linking verb alongside the main verb. With passive verbs, it is often possible that the subject is not named.

            Here is an example between Active and Passive verbs

: He burned down the house (Active verb)

: The house was burned down (Passive verb—who, or what, caused the house to burn down is not known, or is not as important as the fact that it burned down.

 

How to Recognize Active and Passive Sentences:

Identify the subject of the sentence.

Examine the relationship between the subject and verb.

            Dose the subject perform the action of the verb? (If so, the sentence is active.)

            Dose the subject sit there while something else, named of unnamed, performs an action on it? (If so, the sentence is passive.)

            Can’t tell? If the main verb is a linking verb (“is,” “was,” “are,” “seems,” etc.), then the verb functions like an equals sign; there is no action (either active or passive) involved, it merely describes a state of being.

         In passive sentences, the thing receiving the action is the subject of the sentence and the thing doing the action is optionally included near the end of the sentence. You can use the passive form if you think that the thing receiving the action is more important or should be emphasized. You can also use the passive form if you do not know who is doing the action or if you do not want to mention who is doing the action.   

Examples:

doing action

passive verb

subject Receiving action

The students         are taught        by the professor.

             

 

passive verb

doing action

subject Receiving action

The dishes                are washed           by John.   

           

 

            Because passive sentences do not need to identify the performer of an action, they can lead to sloppy or misleading statements

 

 

To drain the tank, the grill should be removed, or the storage compartment can be flooded.

Dose the sentence

1) offer two different ways to drain the tank (“you may either remove the grill or flood the compartment”)?

… or dose it

2) warn of an undesirable causal result (“if you drain the tank without removing the grill, the result will be that the storage compartment is flooded”)?

Works Cited

 

http://www.athabascau.ca/courses/engl/155/support/passive_verb_tenses.htm

 

http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/grammar/act-pass.htm

 

http://www.englishpage.com/verbpage/activepassive.html

Commas, not comas

To summarize the report on commas I present you all with a basic outline that I followed and some web sources that were helpful in compiling my report.

I. Problems with comma usage

a. Improper usage

b. Text messaging era ignores commas

c. Learning proper usage can be boring

II. Remedies

a.Proper usage

1. Commas that separate independent clauses

2. Commas that separate items in a series

3. Commas set off long introductory clauses and phrases

4. Commas that separate descriptive modifiers

5. Commas that set off parenthetical expression

6. Commas used when absence of a pause causes confusion

7. Commas used to set off participle phrases that modify some part of an independent clause

b. Improper usage

1. Comma splice

2. Do not use a comma to introduce a subordinate clause

3. Do not use a coma to separate a noun or pronoun from its reflexive

III. Areas for solutions

a. Writing Center

b. tip sheets

c.  Practice

Sources

http://www.esf.edu/writingprogram/tipsheets/comma.htm

http://www.englishchick.com/grammar/grpunc.htm#comma

http://www.bartelby.com/141/strunk.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/17

Counterarguments

        A counterargument is an argument that is opposed to any part of an author’s thesis or personal argument. Counterarguments typically cause problems in two ways with writers.  The most common mistake is a lack of any counterarguments.  This may happen because people do not want to take the time to carefully think about their paper and develop it, as well as they do not take the time to look into what others think about their ideas.  If one thinks about what they have written, they can begin to see what issues might arise from the opposition.

However, just because a counterargument is included, does not mean that it is used correctly.  Many people include a counterargument but do not treat it appropriately.  They may introduce what someone else thinks and then ignore it without any reasons to show why it is wrong.  They may also reveal a counterargument and dismiss it without a good enough reason as to why it is wrong.  If one does not address a counterargument well enough, they are hurting themselves more than they are helping, even though they are including the counterargument.  This is why it is very important to be able to identify and refute anything that may arise in opposition to the author’s paper.

 To ensure that you have your bases covered when writing a paper, you need to deal with counterarguments.  There are several steps that you can follow to ensure that you have a solid argument.

First, you need to think of any ways that arguments may arise in opposition to yours.  If you aren’t very good at this, have a friend or a teacher read your paper and tell you what arguments they see that would be detrimental to your work.  After you do this a few times, you will get better at seeing arguments from different sides and finding the counterarguments.  However, make sure that they are relevant to your paper and not too broad.  There is no point in including counterarguments that do not have very much to do with your argument.

 After you identify the counterarguments, you need to either prove them wrong or show that their reasoning is not as strong as yours.  The best thing to do is to expose the weaknesses in the opposing argument as opposed to discrediting the author.  There may be an appropriate time to attack the author but a direct revelation of why their argument is weak is much more effective.  Sometimes, it may be necessary to admit that a counterargument is good, but then take the time to restate your thesis in a more exact way.  Also, the addition of a new section in your paper that considers your topic in light of the counterargument may help, but only if it concerns a part of your argument and not the whole thing, otherwise you may need a new thesis.

Finally, use counterarguments to develop your points or ideas.  If you include several counterarguments, as long as they are important, it helps to develop a strong paper.  Just make sure to include them in a logical order.  Also, a good defense may sometimes be a good offense.  Anticipate weaknesses in your argument that others will try to expose, and defend them right from the start.  In addition, if you have a claim that has a very strong counterargument, do not be afraid to remove it from your paper.  If you recognize your own weaknesses right away, it gives you time to make your arguments stronger before you have to consider including a counterargument.

 A quality essay clearly presents the authors standpoint.  However, regardless of the quality of their argument, there are typically counterarguments.  That is why it is necessary for the author to be able to identify and utilize them.  Counterarguments can help in several ways, by showing the author that they need to further develop their argument, or by giving them the opportunity to show why that counterargument is weak in comparison to their essay.

 

·         Example:

Let’s say that you, a first year student living in the dorms or apartments – have a car at home and would like to bring it to school with you. You suspect, however, that your parents will oppose your doing so. You decide to write them a letter proposing this plan – in your most persuasive way. You consider first all the reasons that you have for wanting your car at school: the time you will save shopping for necessities, the ease with which you will explore the area, the fun you will have getting behind the wheel, the money you will save on transportation to and from school at vacation times, and so on.

However, you can easily imagine what your parents are going to worry about. What do you think some of these worries would be?

1.      How much will it cost (in extra gas and possibly extra insurance) to have the car at school?

2.      How likely is it that your car might be stolen – or that it might be broken into and your radio stolen?

3.      What if you start spending too much time off campus and neglect your studies?

4.      What if you have an accident?

Once you consider what their counterarguments will, you can develop your letter so that you have a better chance at persuading them to allow you to bring your car to college.  If you take the time to think about the opposing arguments, you can have a much more persuasive and much stronger essay.

 

·         Handout

 

Sources

 Reading the World: Ideas That Matter.  Ed. Michael Austin.  New York: Norton, 2006. 697-698 

“Writing.” Language and Learning Online. 21 Feb. 2007. Monash University. 3 Mar.2008 http://www.monash.edu.au/lls/llonline/writing/law/legal-process/2.3.3.xml

     Toth, Dr. Barbara, and Amanda McGuire. “Counterarguments.” Bowlig Green State
University. 3 Mar. 2008 http://www.bgsu.edu/downloads/provost/file29009.pdf

 Harvey, Gordon. “Counter-Argument.” 1999. Writing Center, Harvard U. 3 Mar. 2008
http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~wricntr/documents/Counterarg.html

 “Basics of Counterargument.” UCSD. 3 Mar. 2008 http://marshall.ucsd.edu/current/doc/handouts/doc2/documents/W06BasicsCounterargument.pdf